Redefinitions

The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to invent alternate meanings for various words.

The following were some of this year's winning entries: (I’ve censored some – you’ll have to find the site for yourself!)

1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have .

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly
answer the door in your nightie.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.